You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
