dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize