Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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