the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
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