Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
