I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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