Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
