He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
