I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
