If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
