Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
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