At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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