you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
