I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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