Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
