My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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