mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
