watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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