I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
