I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i will never coherently bang her
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
