True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
