i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
