1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
