you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
