I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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