I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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