Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
