your room smells of hookers.
And success
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
