You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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