It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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