So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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