ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
