I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
