What did we do last night that was yellow?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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