McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
