Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
