No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize