I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
