I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
