If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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