i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
