its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
