32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
