Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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