you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
