i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
