am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
