there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
