the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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