i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize