Got a toothbrush?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
