I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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