Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
