Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
