i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize