your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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