It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
