i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize