1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
