Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's rum buckets o'clock
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
