I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
