i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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