i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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