She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
