At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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