i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We got so high we made milksteak
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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