Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
