Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
