I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
MIDGETS
????
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
