She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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