Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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