I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
