If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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