I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
