too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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