Kiss
Puke
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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