Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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