It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
